Friday, December 11, 2015

Who am I? Take 2: I am a father.

One of the things we did to celebrate my birthday yesterday was go to a local library to celebrate the completion of our having logged 1000 books read to DH. It took a few takes, but his picture in now hanging in the "Hall of Fame" of Mashpee's kids' section. Pretty great.

We went out for dinner as well to celebrate yesterday evening. What we order is, in part, a strategic hedge on what DH will eat himself for dinner--though it turns out he was all about those salty chicken fingers after all. And those fries. Oh dear.

I have 1000 pictures I would love to share with you.

But I feel more and more ambivalent about posting any of them. Still, every now and then, I can't help myself. But maybe not tonight.

Tonight: though I actually got home from school with the sun still up, the post-nap snack routine kept us from getting out the door until the sun was well down. But no matter--we were swinging at the canal, inky night or no inky night. Alas, no evening canal traffic for us...but we got to visit all the giants on 6A as we meandered home.

We are SO lucky to have "Dom" in our life. So so lucky.

Blessed? Sure. OK.

Blessed.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Who am I? Take 1: I am 47.

Thought experiment to jump-start the blog, therefore to jump-start 2016 writing: on my birthday (and on through finals for the next two weeks or so), I ask myself to self-define.

So to start: today I am 47 years old. As I said to L tonight at dinner, unless I live for a loooooong time, I've most likely seen more than half my life played out already. The proverbial "back nine." Which is odd, but not disorienting. Another good reason to keep questioning how I live out my priorities in life--because it's finite. Not that I'm feeling morbid or overly mortal: just trying to be real.

Last year, we were on the verge of leaving for Kaunas. Five years ago, DH was an idea. Ten years ago I was in my last year @IU, and we had just accepted a tenure-track position half-way across the country. Fifteen years ago, we were in Vilnius doing dissertation work and broadcasting for the state radio. Twenty years ago, I'd never yet been to Lithuania before--just finished my MA, and was pondering my next move, seeing as it wasn't going to be NYU. Twenty-five years ago, I was going into my last semester @Gustavus. Thirty years ago, I was a high school junior: tennis team, Assorted Images, OSLC youth group.

47 years seems like a long time. It IS a long time. But at least in some ways, I can close my eyes and I'm right back to these other places and times. (In others, my life pre-DH seems like a haze--I know I did SOMETHING or other, and I guess it was pretty darn important, but whatever.)

I'm older at this point than my parents were when we moved from Wisconsin to Arizona. I think I'm older than my mom's mom when she died.

I thought I would feel wiser by now. Maybe this is as good as it gets.